


When You're Gone

by Shazkowalski



Category: due South
Genre: Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-01-31
Updated: 2000-01-31
Packaged: 2018-11-11 05:22:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11141838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shazkowalski/pseuds/Shazkowalski
Summary: When Ray thinks he's made a fatal mistake, he can't cope with the guilt.





	When You're Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

 

When You're Gone 

 

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When You're Gone 

By Sharron Ibbitson 

Rating: PG

Feedback:.

 

 

None of these characters belong to me they are the property of Alliance; I'm just borrowing them, but will return them after I have had my wicked way with Ray Kowalski.

 

Again many thanks to Sasha Martin for her continued support and encouragement.

 

 

 

When You're Gone

 

 

"'Fraser's dead, Fraser's dead' the thought was a recurring circle through my mind. 'Fraser's dead' No one survives that, not even super mountie. I sit with my legs dangling out of the police car; someone drapes a blanket around my shoulders. I don't even acknowledge them. I drop my head into my hands, and wait for news, it's no good, I know it's useless. Welsh looks at me, and I can see the pity in his eyes. You see this all started just two hours ago, and I can't help thinking that it's all my fault, you see I'd had a major argument with Stella, that was what started the chain of events." 

 

 

Two Hours Earlier.

 

"Ray, when are you going to let go? It's been over a year. I've moved on why can't you?" Stella said to her ex-husband her voice raising as she spoke.

 

"Maybe it's cos I've got a heart, we can't all be cold and unfeeling" he shouted back, and wasn't quite quick enough to catch her hand before the stinging slap hit his face, and she stormed out. He lowered his head and looked at the floor, unfortunately most of the precinct had witnessed the interchange, and were now making themselves busy with other things. Fraser however was not.

 

"Are you all right Ray?" he asked his partner gently.

 

"Yeah, greatness" he responded with a smile that didn't reach his eyes. 

 

"Are you busy this evening Ray?" he asked, at Ray's negative response he continued "Would you like to go out for something to eat, maybe see a movie or something?" 

 

"Sure Frase, just let me finish off here and I'll be wiv ya" he replied, not even bothering to try to look chipper about it. 

 

 

 

Present

 

Ray Kowalski let his thoughts drift over him, Fraser was a good friend, he knew that Stella had hurt him, and he was trying to cheer him up, that's what good friends do. He sighed the shock not yet registering, " 'All my fault, it's all my fault' I keep thinking Fraser only did it to make me feel better, life sucks, I suck"Frannie sat beside Ray gently taking his hand, 'If only I could know what he was thinking' she thought to herself.

 

 

90 minutes earlier

 

"So where do ya wanna eat Frase?" Ray asked his partner, as they walked along beside Lake Michigan.

 

"The choice is yours Ray" his partner responded with a grin. 

 

"Put your hands on your head, and pass me your wallets" a voice shouted out from somewhere in the darkness, immediately both men were on their guard eyes scanning the horizon searching for the source of the voice. Soon two men stepped out from the shadows, one white and one coloured, both brandishing weapons, one a knife the other a hand gun. 

 

"Frase, just stay quiet man" Ray whispered to his partner, both men tense. "Yo, you really don't wanna do this. Ya see we're cops, so you do this you'll have every unit in Chicago after ya." Ray shouted to the two youths.

 

"Cops huh? That'll do wonders for our rep then won't it?" the kid called back.

 

"Look just...." Ray tried to reason, but was cut off by the other kid.

 

"Just give me your money!" 

 

"Don't give him nothing Fraser" Ray said to his friend. The next few seconds passed in a blur, the minute that Ray and Fraser turned away to have their discussion the two youths pounced on them, tackling them to the ground, Ray had already pulled his gun and managed to hit the youth that was attacking Fraser, but not before his partner had been thrown into the Lake, ray saw stars as his head hit the hard concrete, and the remaining youth continued to kick him, eventually he fought him off and cuffed him to a nearby pole. He couldn't see his partner anywhere.

 

"Fraser! Fraser! Where are you?!" he screamed frantically searching for his best friend. After a split second, Ray realised what must have happened, and immediately began pulling his jacket and boots off, he winced as it pulled on his injuries, but continued anyway. After taking a deep breath he half dived, half jumped into the water, he was suddenly very glad that he had taken those swimming lessons after the incident on the wailing Yankee and the Robert Mackenzie. He dove deep into the water and frantically searched for his missing partner. 

 

 

 

Present

 

Ray shook his head at the memory, it seemed so long ago that he had dived into the water, it had done no good, and his partner was still missing. 'Everyone is gonna blame me, after all it is my fault, I suck' he thought to himself.

 

80 Minutes Earlier.

 

Ray's deep breaths were getting shallower with every dive he took, but yet he still hadn't found his partner. He glanced at his watch, it had been only three minutes since he had dived into the water, Fraser could still be alive. He dove down again and continued to do so for another ten minutes, when he heard sirens in the distance. He sighed in relief, and felt himself drifting under the water, lacking the strength to stay afloat, he pulled himself up far enough so the police on the bank could see him, and relief flooded over him when a pair of strong, reassuring arms pulled him up and dragged him to the bank.

 

"It's all right Ray, I've got ya buddy" said the voice of Tom Dewey. Ray shook his head, Dewey didn't even like him, why would he rescue him. All rational thoughts left his mind as he started screaming at any one that would listen to go and help his partner.Dewey shook him. "Ray! Ray listen to me! They are looking for Fraser, they've got the boats and divers out looking for him" Dewey said to him gently "It's all right man, they'll find him" he reassured softly. Ray didn't even realise that he was crying until he felt his own tears trickle down his face, and Dewey drawing him in into a hug. When he had cried himself out Huey and Dewey gently led him to a nearby squad car, and sat him down.

 

 

Present

 

Welsh walked towards his distraught Detective.

 

"Ray, they're gonna call off the search soon, it's getting too dark, they can't see anything"

 

"Doesn't matter, Fraser's dead" Ray mumbled under his breath.

 

"What?"  
  


"I said keep looking, gotta find the body, rest in peace" Ray told him, not making eye contact. Welsh exchanged a look with Dewey, who still guarded his fellow detective, Dewey simply shook his head, and caught Ray as he passed out into his arms.

 

 

 

Two Days Later

 

Ray finally woke up to the bright sunshine seeping into his hospital room, in the nearby chair sat a sleeping Tom Dewey. Ray nudged him gently awake.

 

"Hey Ray" he greeted after a minute, not quite sure what to say.

 

"Did they find Fraser yet?" Ray asked with a sense of urgency. 

 

"No, I'm sorry they didn't"

 

"When I leave here?" he asked.

 

"They dunno. You have three broken ribs and narrowly escaped pneumonia. You also have a concussion and a fractured arm" Ray looked down at his plaster encased arm, and was surprised to see the previously unnoticed plaster cast. Ray nodded, and remained mute for the rest of the day. Dewey just sat back and waited in case Ray needed to talk. 

 

 

 

Two Weeks Later

 

Two weeks later Fraser still hadn't been found and Ray was very withdrawn, everybody noticed the difference, but he still worked effectively and was a good cop, even though he had only been back at work a matter of days, he had already nearly cleared his desk of unsolved cases. Everybody noticed the subtle changes in his attitude and body language, especially Welsh, and he had to admit that it concerned him. Ray had even refused to see Stella at all anymore, which no one could understand. Ray had just tied up the loose ends on one of his cases, and decided to call it a day. He pulled his jacket on and silently made his way out to the car, again not speaking to anybody on hi exit, he went home, got himself a beer out of the fridge and sat back down. As soon as he drunk that one, then he went and got another one, soon two beers had turned into ten and Ray slowly slipped away to oblivion.

 

"Ray?" a familiar voice said next to him, he didn't respond, his muzzy brain trying to work out who it was that the voice belonged to. "Ray?" the voice continued.

 

"Fraser?" Ray questioned disbelieving.

 

"Yes Ray, it's me" 

 

"Fraser, you're back?" 

 

"You killed me Ray! How could you do that? You were meant to be my friend" 

 

"Fraser.... I....."

 

"Murderer, how could you kill me" Fraser's face taunted him, leering at him.

 

"NNNNNNNOOOOO!!!!!!!!" Ray screamed coming awake, a dream it was just a dream. He took a deep breath, and his hands were trembling. He held his head in his hands, he hadn't had a decent night's sleep since Fraser had gone missing, he couldn't live with his guilt. In his drunken lack of sleep induced state he scrambled around for his gun, striving to put an end to his suffering and his eyes, to right a wrong.

 

"Fraser forgive me" he sobbed as he raised the gun to his head and slowly pulled the trigger.

 

 

 

Two days Later.

 

"Frannie have you seen Ray this morning?" Welsh asked gently.

 

"No sir, I haven't seen him since Saturday evening, yesterday was his day off, maybe he just had a heavy night" she reasoned.

 

"No I'm worried about him, he was due in two hours ago, it's not like him to be so tardy. I think I'm gonna pay him a visit"

 

 

Meanwhile.

 

Fraser stretched and sighed, relieved to be back on American soil, after the incident at the lake he was looking forward to seeing Ray again, it must have been nearly three weeks since he had been forced into the lake and caught on a boat. He had ended up nearly four hundred miles away, in the middle on nowhere, although he didn't quite understand how. He had had no opportunity to ring ahead, and he didn't even know if Ray was okay after the beating he had taken. He sat down on the bench and waited for his taxi to arrive. 

 

 

Ray's Apartment

 

Welsh knocked on the door several times and received no answer, he had recently learnt that Fraser was fine and on his way home, he didn't know how Ray would take the news, but he was more worried that ray's state of depression would have caused him to do something stupid. He banged on the door, but got no response, eventually he went looking for the land lady and borrowed a key. He let himself in and nearly threw up at the sight in front of him, he hadn't quite realised the depth of Ray's despair.

 

 

One Day Later

 

Fraser walked into the 27th precinct and was surprised at the sombre attitude present throughout the station, his puzzled expression must have shown clearly, as Frannie walked straight upto him.

 

"Hi Frase, I think Welsh wants to see you" Fraser nodded and walked into the lieutenants office.

 

"Ah Constable Fraser, take a seat. When you went missing it hit Ray pretty hard and well I have some bad news to tell you........."

 

 

The End

 

Feedback appreciated. 


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